I Just Wanna Be
by sigmakutie
Summary: Happy. That's all she wants to be. But she's willing to put other's happiness above her own. Unrequited P/R based off of Happy by Leona Lewis.


Title: _"I Just Wanna Be"_

Rated: T for slight cursing and mentioned sexual encounters

Summary: Happy. That's all she wants to be. But she's willing to put other's happiness above her own.

A/N: So, we were (this was way back in December 2010) doing our final in dance class to this song, Happy by Leona Lewis, and when I looked up the music video I just had to make an unrequited Puckelberry fanfic.

A/N2: Okay, I found this when I was looking for something and I noticed it wasn't finished and I was bored, so TADA! Just roll with me, this was started in the middle of the back nine (season1).

I Just Wanna Be

_Happy. That's all she wants to be. But she's willing to put other's happiness above her own._

Rachel Berry first met Noah Puckerman the first day of first grade when she first moved to Lima, Ohio. He walked right up to her and asked her name. She politely responded, "Rachel Barbra Berry, future Broadway star!" Noah cracked a smile and introduced himself. He reached into his pocket and offered her a stick of gum. They spent the next half hour of recess sitting at the end of the blacktop, under the old tree that kids were hanging out of, getting to know each other and chewing on gum. He learned that she had been training to be a star since before she was born and she learned that he wanted to be a football player when he grew up, but admitted to her that he knew how to play guitar (he learned from his dad) and liked to sing. After forcing a demonstration out of him, she decided that Noah Puckerman could easily be her friend.

Rachel Berry had her first kiss from Noah Puckerman. She insisted that it was only for practice, but she secretly liked the feel of his lips on hers. They were both eight years old and had only known each other for three years. They had gone over to each other's houses and met each other's families on many occasions. He didn't care that she had two dads, and was somewhat jealous of her, his father was hardly ever around anymore, and when he was, he was either drunk or busy strumming on his guitar, never finishing his songs. She met his mother who insisted she be over as much as possible, saying she was "the cutest little thing!" Rachel only smiled a bright smile and turned back to Noah and continued on with what they were doing. After playing for hours and hours, day after day, she decided that Noah Puckerman could easily be her best friend.

Rachel Berry first saw Noah Puckerman's vulnerable side when they were ten years old. His father had left him and his mother two days after his baby sister, Sarah, was born. He didn't come to school that day and when his mother answered the door in tears she began to get worried. She hugged Rachel close and hustled her inside and sent her to his room upstairs. She found him clutching what she recognized as one of his father's guitars. She closed the door behind her and slid next to him at the foot of his bed. She pried his fingers from around the neck of the guitar and moved it to the side of the bed. He silently laid his head on her shoulder and began to cry. After singing him 'Somewhere over the Rainbow' from _Wizard of Oz_, she decided that she could easily have a crush on Noah Puckerman.

Rachel Berry first noticed Noah Puckerman as more than a boy when they were twelve years old. David Karofsky called Rachel freak and a bitch, and Noah (or Puck as he liked to be called) her pimp. In a split second Noah had Dave on the ground, between his legs, punching him. They were rolling across the floor, kicking, punching, scratching, and even biting when Mr. Fell, the assistant principal pulled them apart. Rachel visits him at his house after school. Puck had obviously won the fight, but had still walked away with a split lip and a bruised cheek. She is greeted by his mother at the door who walks up the steps with her up to Puck's room. When she walks into the room he's holding an ice pack to his cheek. He looks up and attempts to smile at her, wincing immediately. He asks his mom to give them a moment alone, which she gladly grants. Rachel sits next to him at the foot of his bed and takes the washcloth sitting next to him, pressing it against his lip. She looked into his eyes and said, "Noah, while I don't agree with how you handled the situation, I appreciate that you cared enough to…." But he stops her before she can continue with a finger against her lips, telling her that it was nothing, just anything that someone would do for someone they cared about. While dabbing at his lip, she decided that she could easily fall in love with Noah Puckerman.

Rachel Berry is first slushied by Noah Puckerman when they are fifteen years old, on the second day of freshman year. Over the summer he tried out for the football team and got on Varsity. Rachel was so proud of him that she kissed him. That set off a chain reaction. When the first day came, Puck began avoiding her; whenever she saw him in the hallway he turned and walked the other way. The next day he walked in with a Big Gulp cup from 7-Eleven and a Mohawk. She smiled when she saw him walking right up to her, but she soon felt the sting of corn syrup in her eyes and cold slush dripping into her underpants. While cleaning herself off, she decided that Noah Puckerman could easily break her heart.

Rachel Berry had her first boyfriend in junior year, but she couldn't fall in love with someone who wasn't Noah Puckerman. She started to have feelings for Quinn Fabray's boyfriend Finn Hudson when Rachel first heard him sing in Glee Club in sophomore year. But her feelings for Finn could never compare to the feelings she had for Puck. Sophomore year, Puck had gotten Quinn pregnant, ruining his friendship with Finn, Quinn's relationship with Finn, and leaving Rachel broken hearted. It didn't last long between Finn and Rachel; they broke up before the end of the first semester. But, Puck and Quinn stayed strong, only breaking up for days at a time, but always getting back together before the weekend. Sophomore year Puck and Rachel became friends again after Quinn was kicked out of her house, then out of Finn's, having nowhere to go but to either a homeless shelter or Rachel's. Quinn and Rachel becoming close led to Puck and Rachel reconciling and becoming friends, though her feelings never faded. After graduation, Rachel moved to New York to begin her career as a star, but Rachel had only one regret after leaving Lima to move to New York and to stardom, and that was leaving Noah. While she was on the plain, thinking back on her life in Lima, Ohio, she decided that Noah Puckerman could easily have a permanent effect on Rachel's life.

Rachel Berry first cried over Noah Puckerman after she moved to New York three years after high school. College be damned, she just jumped straight into the industry. It didn't take long for her to land the lead in an off-Broadway production that was soon to be picked up, and was only six months into performances when she got the announcement. When she looked through her mail on a cool October Sunday she found, in a stiff, manila envelope, a wedding invitation to "The Joining of Quinn Fabray and Noah Puckerman". After crying for about twenty minutes called the RSVP number. Quinn picked up and thwarted Rachel's plan to sternly tell her that she would not be able to come when Quinn excitedly asked her to be, not only a bridesmaid, but the maid of honor! Well, that conniving little blond just ruined her plans! Honestly, how can she say no to that? She said "of course" and hung up, calling her boss and saying that she would be unavailable the weekend of December 19 (of course it just had to be on her birthday). Around December 17 Rachel began packing, and on the morning of the 17th she grabbed her dress, heels, suitcases, and planning folder and made her way to the bust station in Chinatown. Instead of using the bus ride to go over the wedding or be happy for the couple (how could she?), she sulked, reliving the days she had spent with Puck in their hometown of Lima, Ohio. She cried a little in the bathroom of the rest stop mini mall and then continued on with her journey home. When she arrived at the bus depot in Lima her fathers were waiting there, and so were Puck and Quinn. She smiled brightly at everyone and returned the hugs she was offered and died a little bit when Puck kissed her cheek. She then realized that Noah Puckerman could shatter her entire life as she knew it, for better or for worse… most likely worse.

Rachel Berry first smiled in spite of her feelings for Noah Puckerman during the rehearsal dinner when she, as maid of honor, had to make a speech about how perfect the bride and groom are for each other. She faked a smile all the way through the party and when Finn Hudson offered her the chance to get over Noah Puckerman she gladly took advantage and went to bed with him. She really put truth to the old tradition that the best man and the maid of honor sleep together the night before the wedding. Of course when she orgasmed that night she didn't really orgasm. She faked it. It helped that she was an actress and Finn was a little thick in the head (unfortunately, not the one he used on her, however) so it was an easy deception to make. When Finn fell asleep in his bed soon after she rolled out of it and trudged on home, carrying her shoes in her hand and dragging her dignity through the dirt with the other. She got up the next morning bright and early and went to the church to get ready for the ceremony. When she was in her dress and Santana had done her hair and Tina had done her make-up she rustled around in the sanctuary, taking to the Minister (Quinn had insisted even though Puck was Jewish and had only made one request throughout the entire wedding that they be married by a Rabbi. It was reasonable enough, but later said that it didn't matter who did it, just as long as it got done. She winced at that. When she was finishing up her conversation with the Minister she was approached by Ms. Puckerman. She told Rachel how lovely it was to see her again and hugged her, going through all of the usual pleasantries. She then confessed to Rachel that since she and Puck had been little, she always thought that they would end up together. Rachel gave a polite smile to Ms. Puckerman and laughed at the ridiculousness of the notion - but it wasn't really ridiculous to Rachel – but Ms. Puckerman saw the tears behind Rachel's eyes and told her that she knew Rachel thought so, too. Rachel's smile faltered and gave an audible sob before waving off Ms. Puckerman's offered hug and running off in the direction of the ladies room. Rachel got cleaned up and went back outside just before the ceremony started and went through the entire thing and the reception without crying again, despite the knowing looks she got from Ms. Puckerman. She refuses to dance at the reception with anyone, especially Finn, and even Puck, stating that she didn't feel well. She didn't lie. Rachel left Lima the next day, before anyone else in the town was even awake. She left a note for her fathers and took a cab to the depot. On the bus she thought back to the wedding and realized that there was no one like Noah Puckerman and Quinn Fabray better feel damn lucky! She realized that Noah Puckerman was the love of her life, and would never be hers.

Rachel Berry first smiled for the first time in a long time two years later at the William McKinley Class of 2012 Five Year Reunion. She had a lot to be proud of: she was a two-time (going on three) Tony Award winning actress for her role of Wendla in Spring Awakening – the show that she had been working on at the time of the Puckerman-Fabray wedding – and had taken Broadway by storm. She had everything that she ever wanted out of life. Except for Noah Puckerman. When she entered the gymnasium at her old high school she was greeted with applause. Everyone knew who Rachel Berry was... _now_. She was invited to sing which she didn't turn down. She sang _Happy_ by Leona Lewis, sticking with the theme of songs from their years in school. As she sang she noticed Puck, standing by the wall watching her. She smiled softly and looked away quickly already feeling tears welling up in her eyes. Why did this song have to be so accurate to her life? In the next flick of her eyes she sees Quinn dancing with Finn (God, that boy moves around) with no sign of a ring on her finger. She became confused, looking back over at Puck and noticing he didn't have a ring on either. The song ended and she jumped off of the stage, making a beeline for the man of her dreams before the applause could die down.

"Hello, Noah," she mused as she came up to him.

"Rach," he greeted warmly with a lopsided smirk on his face.

"How have you been?" She tried to be subtle about it, but her eyes were drawn to his left ring finger and the absence of the golden band she had seen placed there two years prior.

She heard Puck chuckle dryly, lifting his left hand and grabbing her attention. "Quinn divorced me," he said simply. There was no humor in his voice, but he still laughed. "She said that married life just wasn't for her... or _us._ I don't know, I just know that one minute we're having a nice Chrismakkah at my mom's house when Ma pulls her away for a little chat." Rachel's throat clenches. What had Ms. Puckerman said? Was it something about Rachel? Was it about the conversation she had had with the older woman at the Puckerman-Fabray wedding? "She comes back and she's... I don't know... _different._" Puck shakes his head and runs his hand over his now shaved head.

"That's it?" Rachel finds her voice and asks, "That's it, she just... left you?"

Puck just nods. It's not as solemn as she thought it might... or should be. He did claim to love Quinn just two years ago.

"I'm sorry," Rachel almost whispers.

"Don't be. I should have known it wouldn't work out... I mean, it's _Quinn_."

"Oh, don't say that," she attempts to defend the girl who she was maid of honor to and best friends with. It seems right to do that, so she does. "Quinn is a wonderful girl. She's perfect."

"Yeah," he mutters. "She is perfect... for guys like Finn." He gestures over to the couple still dancing to the music, locked in an embrace that seems so tight you'd need a crowbar to get them off of each other. "She's perfect for guys who don't have a back bone. Who don't really care about running shit, or taking care of her. Who only want to treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants just so they can get laid."

Rachel lets out a laugh. "That's not you," she smiles at him. "You're... you're a father. A leader. An alpha male who needs to claim and protect what's his." Rachel looks at him, but he stays silent, so she continues, "You shower what you love with affection, but you don't really expect anything in return. It's your job. Your purpose. You don't need to be affirmed by anyone else because you're just... you're Noah Puckerman and you do whatever the fuck you want!"

Puck lets out a full belly laugh, pulling her into a tight hug. "I missed you, Rach," he whispers, nestling his nose into her hair and taking in her essence. "I missed you so fucking much."

Rachel gives into the hug and wraps her arms around him tightly, not wanting to ever let him go. She buries her face into his chest, holding back the tears she knows are inevitable to fall but hoping she can stave them off until she knows she's alone. She doesn't want to cry in front of him.

Just as she's thinking of an escape route to the bathroom he pulls away from her, staring at her. She can feel his eyes boring into her, practically burning her as he looks at her so intently. And then he kisses her. He pulls her to him agains and presses his lips against hers. She feels like she's floating, like all she has to do is want to go somewhere (like her bedroom... with him) and she just moves there without moving a muscle. She just floats on air. But, then they are in her childhood bedroom, its only contents a bed, a desk, and a dresser, the rest was either sent to Good Will or is in her apartment in New York. But, back to her floating into her room and falling onto her bed, him falling just behind her. It happens. What she's been waiting for since high school finally happens and it is the best experience in her life. He doesn't fall asleep immediately afterwards like Finn did.

Instead they talk. She tells him about New York, her apartment, and about how she is nominated for her third Tony award. He's proud of her, and he kisses her in celebration. He tells her about the job he took as a Pool Boy. She laughs at that, and so does he. He manages the landscaping and pool cleaning business and was offered the job of managing the one New York/New Jersey branch. He's accepted and will be moving into her neighborhood (not really, he'll probably end up in Brooklyn) in about two months. She's gets excited for him and promises that she'll show him around the city and he thanks her by kissing her again. When they're all talked out, they just lay on her bed in a comfortable silence. He plays with the ends of her hair as she lays her head on his chest and soon they begin to drift off into a peaceful sleep. Rachel then realized that she had finally gotten Noah Puckerman - that he was the love of her life and he was finally hers... and she was finally his.

_Don't care about all the pain in front of me, 'cause i'm just trying to be happy..._


End file.
